Normally this blog is filled with pretty pictures of pretty people with pretty words written about them. But this is not one of those posts. Instead, I’m serving you a big dose of truth today. I feel I need to show you where my heart’s been lately. Maybe you need to read this because in a way my words echo with you, maybe it’s more for me. Or maybe it’s both.
The truth is, I’ve been struggling an awful lot with balance lately. In fact, my life has very little. In my excitement and with the newness of being a photographer, I did as I do with most things I love — I jumped in head first, heart first. I’m passionate about things I love. It’s just who I am. I think that everytime I meet a new client, they see that as well.
The truth is, I’ve run out of steam. I’m not Superwoman like I thought. At first, I thought I could handle the late nights staying up editing then getting up early to go to the full time job, being gone all weekend to shoot weddings or sessions only to come back exhausted. At first, I thought I could take on as many clients as possible and at the same time, take on the world. The truth is, I was wrong.
The truth is, I envy those husband+wife photographer teams who get to spend all their time together. I miss my husband. Madly, deeply, incredibly. I miss going to bed the same time he does. I miss doing the everyday mundane chore with him (he’s been super great and has put forth extra effort to do the things I don’t have time for right now). I miss laughing at Leno with him, while instead I hear him laughing at him a room over while editing away at pictures. I miss just doing NOTHING with him. I miss having the energy I need to be the wife he needs, the wife he deserves.
The truth is, I’m not upset about all of this chaos in my life. Because it has helped me see what’s really important. My husband. God. Family and friends. And yes, even clients who trust me to capture moments for them. But also my time. I must learn to manage it more wisely, to use it not looking at photographers’ blogs, drafting an unnecessary email or facebooking, but having actual human to human interaction. Somewhere along the line, our society has lost the value in that. I’m just as guilty of it as the next gal.
I’m heading out of town for a women’s retreat this weekend for some much-needed rest, relaxation and prayer time. My heart, my spirit and my body need recharged, so this couldn’t come at a better time. I’m looking forward to spending the time with 10 other women who are encouraging, uplifting and energizing to my soul. I want to let everyone know that starting Friday evening, I will not be answering phone calls or emails all weekend, but will return them as soon as I get back on Sunday. And once I get back, I will also start feverishly editing all of the images my oh-so-patient and fabulous clients are waiting on. With a renewed spirit, heart and creative vision, I know that it will be worth the wait.
Maybe I’ll delete this in the morning, maybe not. I always second guess my words because I struggle with baring my soul, putting myself out there to be truly seen for the imperfect person I am. But maybe, just maybe this will help someone else struggling with balance in their life to know they are not alone.
The truth is, we’re all in this together. And I take so much comfort in that.
Big ((hugs)) Nicole! I hope your retreat was just what you needed & you come back refreshed, renewed & recharged by all the love & energy!
by Nicole
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